I want to go back to the world, but then I forget how deeply disturbing it is. Sadistic, cruel.

Here I am safe, in a cocoon of sorts where I am free from the general populace. Free from those who would see me and smile, all the while realizing that their smiles are a facade, a reminder that “trust no one” is not just a phrase but a means to survive. A warning that the world is not safe. Your enemies will smile at you while they laugh behind your back because they know their mind and you don’t.

The world is a sick, sadistic place, and sometimes it makes me scared to go back to it.

Here people see me only when they are driving in their car. The teller at the bank is one out of five people that I have spoken to this week outside my home and the other four merely gave me my change at the counter. Here I am….. free from the cruelty. It still exists but I see it when I turn on the tv, not when I am starring at the evergreen in front of my yard as it sways in the harsh breeze.

Here I am free.

I don’t know if I can go back.

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