It got so complicated.. no it didn’t.. I got so complicated. When did life stop being so raw? I understood who I was, I understood who I wanted to be and I understood how I was going to make it happen. I didn’t have think about it or convolute it. I was so confident that confident wasn’t even a word. It was like telling Michael J. Fox that he is Michael J. Fox. You don’t have to tell him, he already knows it. That was me, I did what I wanted, I wasn’t afraid of anyone and I always got in trouble for opening my mouth because I didn’t understand why I should have it shut. It didnt matter how old you were or how young I was, just becasue you told me to do something didn’t mean I was going to do it, it had to make sense to me. You see what I mean when I said confident. If I wanted something I was going to have it, and no, it wasn’t a matter of convincing myself that I could do. I just was. I see it..I like it….I will have it. The End. There was no conversation or debate in my head. People would say ” You always get whatever you want” but it wasnt a bad thing., it was the truth.
Now things are so muddled in my head I can’t even think straight. When making friends I am constantly asking myself if I did everything right. Forget that, why should I care if they like what I said or how I acted. I am me, the end, you will like me or else we wouldnt have gotten this far. That’s who I need to be, not this ” um, uh sorry , did I offend you?'” ” I m sorry if I’m to abrupt”. People love me and they will love me, and thats all I need to know. Now back to square one.